Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
