You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
