Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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