first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
