I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
