I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
