You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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