my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
