This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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