what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
