i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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