you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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