I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
