You don't have asthma, your pregnant
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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