On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
