she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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