I'm so fucking centered right now
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
