there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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