Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
