he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
