My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
