were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
