I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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