I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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