you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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