butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
