i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
