break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
