also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
