I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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