Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
