your thong is hanging out like whoa
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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