the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
