Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
