I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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