nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
