Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dignity is for republicans.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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