he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
