after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
