so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
