True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
