I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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