That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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