About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Damn victory sex feels great
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
