my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
