well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I don't think brook has ever known best
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
