um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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