and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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