Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
