OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
birth control should be required to get into college
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
