i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
