She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
