I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
