You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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