An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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