I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
