i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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