Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
