Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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