This is not my ceiling
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
